Clinker or Cliche?
by Bumpkin
Summary: A humourous little ficlet in which Bernard gets another peek into Tim's circle of acquaintances. Read the AN for warning.


AN: Okay I have to admit this is a bit different than what I usually write, but at the same time its very me. _grin_ At anyrate, here is the spoilerish warning - there is a decidedly slashish tone to this ficlet, but its all snark and innuendo. Read at will :)

Clinker or Cliché  
By Marns AKA Bumpkin  
Rated: PG-13

Bernard turned the last corner to walk down to where he and Tim had agreed to meet. They had some studying to do. Bernard was hoping that if they finished in time, and if he nagged Tim enough to wear him down adequately, that Tim might be finally persuaded to introduce Bernard to the mysterious Stephanie. She really had to be something if Tim was unthinkingly able to turn a blind eye to the divine Darla's obvious flirting with him. Bernard – the incorrigible gossipmonger that he was – was absolutely dying to verify his suspicions.

Still inwardly plotting, Bernard looked ahead to see if he could spot Tim yet. He could. Tim, of course, was right where he said he was going to be. But to Bernard's surprise, Tim wasn't alone - he was talking with someone. Bernard ran an appreciative eye over the man Tim was talking to, 'Wow,' was all Bernard could think – 'what a 'someone' it is.' Where Tim was an attractive boy, full of potential and otherwise a work in progress - his companion was a very virle male masterpiece, strikingly gorgeous and complete in every way.

Bernard's critically discerning gaze took in everything about the man's appearance, assessing him. His unruly black, slightly too long hair curling against his collar and flopping over the high well shaped forehead, into the perfect blue of his bright and clear eyes. Smooth, slightly olive toned skin taut over high cheekbones and a straight aquiline nose pointing to his mouth where – Bernard found himself involuntarily licking his own suddenly dry lips. 'Damn, if there was ever a mouth made that looked more designed for kissing and other more sinful things, I've not seen it.'

Bodies were compared next. The first time that Bernard had met Tim, he had commented on his being 'buff' enough to be a jock. That was still true, for such a little guy Tim sure had a lot of definition to his build. Not a lot of bulk though, Bernard thought thankfully, on Tim that would just be grotesque. No, Tim was proportioned pretty much perfectly for his frame, if a bit gangly. In fact, you tended to forget just how small he really was, right up until the true jocks of the school stood beside him and physically reminded you.

To call Tim's friend 'buff' would almost be an understatement. Every move the man made caused fascinating ripples under his clothing as muscles bunched and relaxed. Like Tim though, he was perfectly in proportion. His shape was the classic 'Y' men the world over yearned for, and you could tell he didn't get his build from any neighborhood gym membership. It was too obvious that it had built up naturally over time. Besides, Bernard thought dryly, the biggest clues that it wasn't a gym style physique were the simple facts that, for one, the guy was still able to lay his arms flat at his sides. And two, his neck was still visibly a column rising from his shoulders.

Still studying the two, Bernard saw Tim say something to his companion and smirk. Very faintly he heard something like, "Oh yeah?" And then lightning fast the man struck with a laugh. He stooped and, after picking Tim up into a rough bear hug, straightened so that Tim's feet left the ground. Walking closer to the two, Bernard clearly heard Tim gasp out of constricted lungs, "Dick! Put me down!"

Tim thumped his captor's solidly muscled shoulder with a closed fist. It didn't seem to faze him in the least. "Damn you Dick!" Ghosting over the final distance, Bernard made his presence known.

"Now, now, Tim – name-calling? Not very couth of you, and something that I never thought you would ever stoop to, m'boy." Tim snorted, rolling his eyes. His companion just grinned as he unceremoniously dropped the younger boy.

"It is when it's actually his name Bernard." Tim shot a dirty look in the man's direction. One that showed he certainly thought the moniker was apt enough, as he straightened his clothes.

"You're joking!" It burst out of Bernard before he could censor himself. He knew he sounded precisely as appalled as he was – he didn't particularly care for people knowing what he was feeling. Tim, and the newly introduced _Dick,_ were both laughing at his reaction. Bernard wished the pavement under his feet would open and swallow him whole. He really hated when he made social gaffes.

"Nope, 'fraid not, but don't feel bad about your reaction. I get it more often than - a lot." Dick grinned easily, flashing a stunning smile in an unsuspecting Bernard's direction. Tim groaned out loud and Dick thwapped him upside the head without looking as he continued,

"Well, now that that's been cleared up, and Tim here has been cleared of the social ineptness charges laid against him due to him taking my name in vain…" Dick ducked Tim's half-hearted swing at his head and winked at Bernard who blushed, "I really do have to get going. Sorry to rush off just when you've arrived Bernard, but duty calls." He made a comical face at the two boys as he started to back away. Raising a hand, he gave a little saluting wave, "Later." They echoed him, and with one last engaging grin, he turned and began to stride away.

Bernard watched the departing form hungrily until it was out of sight. Only then did he turn back to Tim. The friend he had originally set out to meet this afternoon. The friend who was now at this very moment, looking at him knowingly with a smirk on his lips. Bernard stifled a curse as he felt his fair skin betray him with another blush.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that for?"

Tim laughed, "No reason." He smirked again, "I just think that I should let you know that concerning Dick, there's no chance. Taking no other considerations that may or may not factor into things into effect, you're too young."

"I'm legal, or close enough." Bernard protested automatically.

"Close enough doesn't cut it for a cop." The gleam in Tim's eyes as he imparted that little informational tidbit could've possibly been categorized as pure evil, Bernard was sure.

"_That_ was a cop? Damn, maybe there is something in that saying about people in uniform after all…" So what if the saying was originally about men? Who was he to impose limits of who or what was worthy of 'appreciation' in this liberated day and age?

Tim laughed again and shook his head. Beginning to walk away he said, "Well Bernard, if nothing else, you've certainly got an eye for pretty people, haven't you? First Darla, and now Dick, but I'm beginning to wonder how much is because of their availability, or more accurately – the lack of it."

Bernard blew a raspberry his friend's way, but scurried to catch up and fall into step with him anyway. Idly trading gibes with Tim as they walked towards the library, Bernard wondered how accurate Tim's assessment was… and, what Tim would think if he knew that he too also was on Bernard's 'appreciation' list of beautiful people?

End.


End file.
